Life Before the Computer
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 ? inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 ? inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
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Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”
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Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
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Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”
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Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
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How many programmers dose it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardware problem
None – It’s a hardware problem
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Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
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“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”
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Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.
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Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”
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All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.
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The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
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